(this is an essay I wrote on my blog a few years back, resubmitted for Fisting Day)
A lover observed to me lately, “You know what I realized? If it weren’t for social conditioning, people left to their own devices to explore sex would discover fisting pretty rapidly. I mean, you try one finger, and then you try two…it doesn’t take a genius to eventually get to five.”
She was using the word to refer to vaginal fisting—the insertion of a hand into someone’s cunt. I’ll be doing the same in this essay. I have no experience with anal fisting, and few opinions about it.
She was struck by her insight for two reasons. One is that, like most people in our culture, she’d absorbed the image of fisting as an act of extreme BDSM, on a par with, say, coprophagy or branding. The other is that the two of us had recently started exploring vaginal fisting’s sexual, emotional, and, yeah, spiritual rewards in our time together.
This lover is not an exceptionally debauched person (yet!). I’m the first person to have tied her up; I’m the first person to have spanked her. Yet fisting arose naturally between us, without either of us intending it in advance. Meanwhile, in the larger world, it’s one of the few acts still legally obscene to portray in many communities. Wikipedia contributors heatedly debate whether it’s appropriate to even mention.
What’s going on here? Why this disconnect? I think the reasons for these perceptions go to the heart of male insecurity. Essentially, to consider fisting as normal undermines the conception of coitus as an act of male dominance.
Consider this: What is the Cult of Big Cocks built on, if everyone is going around with a penetration toy bigger than the biggest cocks? If it takes a big dick to satisfy a woman, what does five fingers do? How much satisfaction would that produce? Here’s another thing: inexperienced girls are preferable, the culture tells us, because their cunts are still tight. They haven’t been ruined by having all those dicks stuck in them. This notion is bullshit, it reflects a complete misunderstanding of how cunts work. Tightness is determined by muscle tone, not absolute orifice size. But that doesn’t stop unscrupulous doctors from trying to persuade women otherwise. If this rule were true, fisting would ruin you for “normal” sex. We want our cocks to be seen as fearsome truncheons, emblems of our power and dominance. What woman can be suitably intimidated by a cock after she’s had a hand inside her? If size is what matters, how could a woman who wants to be fisted ever want to be fucked? In fisting, the determining factors in how much penetration a woman can take are patience, mood, and skill. (And lube. Lots of lube.) The receptive partner sets the pace, either explicitly or through subtler cues. It’s this very gentleness that makes the act so threatening to the status quo—penetration is supposed to be an act of aggression, and the more penetration, the more aggression. I’m not suggesting some sort of deliberate conspiracy; but sex that breaks us out of established roles shakes the foundations of the power structure, and can frighten those who are comforted by stasis. Cool, huh? PS. Words LiveJournal spellcheck suggests as alternatives: foisting, fasting, feasting, fitting, histing, listing, misting, wisting, fixating, frosting, dusting, gusting, siting, Faustina, Faustine, Faustino, fating, fusing, sting, feating, fighting, footing, fussing, busting, costing, fainting, feinting, flirting, flitting, hosting, justing, lusting, ousting, posting, rusting, visiting, vistaing
Fisting is something that happens when the stars are aligned and the chemistry is allowed to get really high and things are really passionate and two bodies really open up to each other and the bodies actually start having sex with each other, instead of just the people.
It can’t really be a quickie and it happens when you have space, time and creature comforts. It’s not forced. It’s not pushed. It’s not punching. It’s not always a slow process and gentle, but it’s always this warm, opening, serene, really emotional, and connected sex-act. And it’s skin-on-skin contact, which for queer people is like going “balls deep” so to speak.
Paraphrasing Jiz Lee, American society is much more lenient about violence than they are sex, so in movies you’ll see people punching each other, but you’ll hardly ever see a bare breast. So it’s only natural so when we think of fisting we think of violence, pain and aggression. The fist is supposed to be the same size and shape as the human heart, so for me I think of love and beating passion.
We totally support this worthy goal, and want to lend a helping hand. To support Fisting Day, we’ll be offering 20% off your entire purchase on Sunday, October 21st.
If you’re coming into one our retail stores, simply mention “Fisting Day” to get 20% off your purchase. If ordering online, type fistingday into the coupon # box during checkout.
Need some pointers? Here’s our handy guide.
A Hand in the Bush is the ultimate, um, “handbook” on the fine art of vaginal fisting. It’s filled with practical information on how to get started. And it’s been approved by three fisting-friendly physicians.
The Oxballs Fist Plug is super realistic and made of soft, body-safe silicone. It’s got a nice wide base that’ll keep it snug in your butt.
When only a famous fist will do, try Belladonna’s Bitch Fist. This unique dildo is made from an exact replica of porn star Belladonna’s forearm and fist.
For Fisting Day, a group of friends started up a warm fire, poured some wine and watched Live Sex Show, which we picked up from Portland’s She Bop. Loved Jiz Lee and Nina Hartley’s scene, and we watched Courtney Trouble’s orgasm twice!
30% in QueerPorn.TV’s clip and DVD store to celebrate Fisting Day! (expires on 10.31.12)
She Bop The Shop, a fist-positive sex toy and DVD company in Portland, interviewed Jiz Lee (cofounder of Fisting Day) about getting fisted, tips, and tricks, and the controversy surrounding the censorship of fisting in DVDs. Read the whole thing here!
What do you love about fisting?
I love that fisting can be something spontaneous as much as it can be something planned. It’s something I don’t always want, something I initially might not be in the mood for… but when it happens, it’s utterly gratifying. There’s something about the act that makes me feel as if my vagina has a mind of it’s own. It will know when it wants it, and when it doesn’t. It’s like my body becomes the ultimate consenting factor, making the rules and calling the shots. It’s the difference between “This is good, I’m liking this just the way it is and exactly what you’re doing. I’m in bliss” and the hole-hungry: “More fingers. More pressure. More! I’m feeling GREEDY!!!”
INVERT SUGAR: Happy International Fisting Day! -
I remember I was in high school, and I first read about fisting.
In high school, I was deeply involved in theater, especially competition speech & theater. My mom was the director/coach of the team, and I was good at it, so she pretty much let me do whatever I wanted. I had just gotten a debit…
learning how to tell you: Open -
Note: This is an edited version of an older post, in honor of fisting day today.
Some days I miss her open smile and her soft tongue. I miss her buzz cut and her strength. The sound of her voice, her lisp. I don’t know where she is now. Last I heard she was on a farm. She sent me a…
I have only had the delirious pleasure and intensity of fisting once, many, many years ago, with my first partner. It was so overwhelming to be the giver, to feel someone’s pulse on my wrist from their vulva, that I cried the entire time. Please -do not- steal my poem and message me if you wish to post it elsewhere.
When I dreamed you, sea-bound and warm,
turning my body on its side,
July-hot and swelling with possibility,
I had already shed my rattling skin
in a field. You were not a dream.
Blue with light, whispering
You’re only young once, you
were not a dream,
dipping your scarred fingers into me,
one by one by one by one by thumb
I heard You’re only gone once.
I have also done fisting for some DVD based companies, but it tends to get edited out. So I have had to get a bit creative over the years, improving and modifying techniques to achieve the similar effect that fisting can provide (fullness, pressure, deep down fucking). Here’s a list of 5 different techniques I have used, instead of fisting…
5 Fisting Alternatives by Syd Blakovich
Drew Deveaux and Nic Switch, from QueerPorn.TV
Fist Bump to a Fist Positive Porn Company
Photo: Cyd Loverboy and Essex
I don’t feature fisting in my porn (not yet, anyway) but I did have a fantastic encounter with it at the Berlin Porn Film Festival a couple of years ago. Porn performers Judy Minx and Wendy Delorme did a fisting act live onstage at a nightclub and it was rather wondrous to behold. Judy was slow and careful and Wendy’s cunt expanded in an almost magical way.
Wendy then invited other people up to fist her and I found myself very eager to give it a try. Unfortunately I didn’t volunteer fast enough and thus missed my chance to see what it felt like to have a hand in someone’s vagina. All I got was a souvenir rubber glove.
(This is part of a larger post on fisting and censorship at Ms Naughty Blog)
A poem forInternational Fisting Day. Hope you enjoy.
By Jillian Boyd
Oh how I have longed
for your body next to mine.
For fingers entangled
And your cock inside mine.
But tonight I long
for so much more.
I want it rough
I want to thrill
in the pit of my core.
I want more than just your hand,
I want it all
and I want it bad.
I want the one thing
I have so sorely missed.
And therefore, mon cherie,
I plead with you.
Gimme your fist!
Whether lubed up
Give it to me
deep and hard.
Let me fuck your majestic fist
and let the world
for a second
seize and desist.
your fucking fist.
(c) Jillian Boyd