From my blog, CourtneyTrouble.Com : It’s My Party and I’ll Fist If I Want To.
I had in the works, this performance art piece prepared for tonight, on the second annual Fisting Day (created last year by myself and my dear friend and partner in obscenity Jiz Lee), but I cancelled it yesterday. The performance was to set myself up in a dark, warm tactile dome where party guests could slide in to the darnkess and fist me, nude and lying on a platform, lit by black light and wearing a black “censored” bar across my eyes. It was going to be nude sushi meets Cafe Flesh. I’ll do it next year, but this year – I don’t want to be fisted.
Wait! OMG! BUT IT IS FISTING DAY! And I am a professional porn actor who can magically pull a fist into my body at any given notice, or ten or twenty, all in the name of art, politics, and a paycheck! … Right? …. right?
Right. I am a magical creature with a body capable of just about anything sexual. I make a living off of it. And on Fisting Day of all days I should be ready to get right down to it, but today, I’d much rather get a massage, give my lover a blowjob, masturbate in the dark warm safety of my own bed, and take a nap. And THINK about fisting.
I think that this is what sex positivity might all be about. Giving yourself consent, listening to your own consent. This is the kind of listening to your body, respecting your needs, and shoving aside sexual performance goals that makes fisting, and other taboo sex acts, sex-positive. You give your body the permission to do these things, you allow it to happen when it’s right, when it’s easy.
For myself and other porn performers, when the call of duty alarms we jump to the ready and prepare ourselves with lots of rest, water, and lube (and maybe a practice sesh with our co-star), the same way anyone else would get ready for work really – but remember, when you’re one of those fisting day fans out there who has yet to “succeed” in fisting with your sex partner – you haven’t failed. Because you have committed to trying, the act of preparation, the act of communication – you’ve already won. Knowing when it’s time, and when it’s not time – is the most important part of sex positive, fist-positive sex.
the magical, and missing, moment.
So, back to thinking about fisting on Fisting Day. What’s happened since last fisting day, in regards to the politics that were bringing us down? Virtually nothing. In fact, I am still actively being censored for including it in my work, including the upcoming Valencia The Movie in which I shot and performed in a fisting sex scene with Quinn Cassidy for a chapter of Michelle Tea’s book that was *about* fisting – the 2 second explicit shot of his fist going inside me has been cut for a version of the film that’s being submitted to film festivals. Michelle has said she will fight for the fist in future versions, but I can’t help but wonder what a fist would look like, and incite in the audiences, of some place like Sundance or Frameline.
The companies that rejected Live Sex Show due to it’s fisting scene are still unwavering in their policies against the act. Live Sex Show is still only available for sale at a few super sex-positive stores like Early 2 Bed and Fatale Media - though you can watch the infamous fisting scene with Jiz Lee and Nina Hartley streaming on my site Indie Porn Revolution any time you like, and you can get the download to keep from my online store, and in November – you’ll be able to rent it from Pink and White Production‘s top secret VOD project, making this project the first and only place to rent Live Sex Show online in it’s entirety… but you’ll hear more about that in a week or two.
All the fist-positivity is still on such a small scale. And that’s OK if that means that we are keeping our queer dollars in our queer community, and directly supporting the companies that support us as fist-positive people. It’s OK if we are challenging our own sex politics, not “yukking people’s yums” and broadening our own understandings of sex, sex positivity, and the diversity of desire.
Sometimes, people just don’t want the fist. And that’s OK, just as long as they’re still thinking about it! And that’s why I implore you to call up your local sex-positive porn stores and demand that they carry fist-positive pornos. Write in to your favorite VOD sites and request that they show fisting. Host fist-positive sex ed workshops in your town.
And remember, the first step of being fist-positive is knowing that it’s not supposed to be painful, difficult, or done on an unwilling body. If it’s not time, take a day off and come back to it later. It’s totally OK!
xoxo Courtney Trouble